Others do it out of ignorance or stupidity, so why can’t we? What’s the opposite of ‘Ignorance is Bliss’? Just because we were cursed with intelligence in today’s world of lowest common denominators doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun.
- Adjust the tint on all the monitors so that all the everything is green, and insist to others that you “like it that way”.
- Constantly drum on the Rock Band drum kit, when not playing the game. Rock Out, encourage others to accompany you.
- Bookmark porn sites on other people’s computers. Create desktop shortcuts.
- Create desktop shortcuts for every google search you make. Get creative.
- Make the 60s Batman theme the default sound for *EVERYTHING* .
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Create a mashup video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
- Stick anti-theft detector strips in people’s backpacks and pockets when they’re not paying attention.
- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
- Copy & Paste the surprise ending to novels and movies as your email signature.
- Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.
- Set alarms on your phone for random times.
- Learn Morse code, and have conversations on facebook entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”
- Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off then complain about the mint flavour in your mouth.
- Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
- @reply random strangers with personal updates of your bowel movements. Include descriptions. TwitPic.
- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show as you proclaim, “It Stinks!”.
- Only watch the first 4 seconds of youtube videos before you proclaim, “It Stinks!”
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
- Begin all your sentences, emails, and tweets with “ooh la la!”
- Unplug the Internets. Ask someone else to call tech support.
- Detach the antenna of the wireless router. Ask someone else to call tech support.
- Call tech support, then claim that you are the tech support.
- Conference call the previously mentioned calls.
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- only type in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Pay for your dinner with pennies.
- Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. Pace.
- Repeat everything someone says as a question.
- Repeat everything someone says as a question?
- Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on building maps (especially mall maps).
- Setup auto DM on twitter with your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
- Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
- Leave tips in Canadian Tire money.
- Demand that everyone address you as “Your Majesty”. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One”.
- Get very upset whenever someone capitalizes your name.
- At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
- Finish the 99 bottles of beer on the wall song. Twitter it. Lose track and start over.
- Send and resend emails containing the “This is the song that never ends…” song to everyone you know.
- Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up”, and repeat.
- Drive half a block.
- Name your dog “Cat” and your cat “Dog”. Get angry when people think it’s a joke.
- Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
- Reply to everything someone says with “That’s what she said! Wooo!”
- Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
- Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl. Do it poorly.
- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
- Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies’ “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
- Make beeping noises for every interaction with a computer or celphone.
- Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
- Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed. Explain that theirs taste better.
- Eat your lunch on someone else’s keyboard. Explain that you didn’t want to get crumbs on your own keyboard.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Ask to “interface” with someone. Make it special.
- Click through links randomly as fast as you can, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing”.
- Sing along with your iPod at full volume. Especially in inappropriate places. Encourage backup singers.
- Mow your lawn with scissors.
- During mundane tasks, chant “swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!”
- Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy”.
- Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend”.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles”.
- Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as “sticky wicket isn’t cricket.”
- Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a “magic picture”.
- Enthusiastically announce each button you click as you doso. “Minimize!” “Maximize!”
- Send invites to twitter messages with links to facebook posts about emails you’ve sent.
- Post long bulleted lists, as if daring the reader to actually read them all.
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