The Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2009 – Part One

How the Internet Hype and Red-Band Trailers have Warped my Fragile Mind.

Honorable Mentions:

I Love You Man

Paul Rudd and Jason Segel are enough to make me see this film. Frankly, I have an unhealthy man-crush on Rudd because of his amazing comic timing and undeniable charm. Segel has slowly won me over for years due to his work on “How I Met Your Mother”, and then solidified his status as the writer/star of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”. Pair them with director, Paul Hamburg, who was part of the writing team for “Zoolander” and I think you’ll have one of the best comedies of the year.

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State of Play

I won’t lie to you. I have never seen a Kevin MacDonald film. I also doubt you have. His only film to receive any type of mainstream attention was the Whitaker Oscar winning “The Last King of Scotland”, which I have yet to see. What draw my attention are the phenomenal ensemble cast: Russell Crowe, Jason Batemen, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Robin Wright Penn and my boy, Ben Affleck. I’m pumped to see The Fleck back from behind the director’s chair, and fuck those of you who aren’t. Daredevil be damned, my boy is back. Also, the first person to bring up the fact that MacDonald has won an Oscar will be tarred and feathered for thinking best documentary feature in 1999 constitutes “mainstream attention”.

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Adventureland

Those of you who don’t laugh at the red band trailer for this film will certainly not enjoy it. Those people can also stop reading, as I have no intention of pandering to lifeless sacks of shit. Greg Mottola brought us Superbad, and now he brings us a much more realistic view of teenage life… which looks just as hilarious. Bill Hader is quickly turning into the go to supporting character for comedies, and quite frankly, I couldn’t be happier about it. It’s only a matter of time until somebody realizes his potential and casts him as a lead. That time can’t come soon enough.

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Numbers 10-6.

Up

Pixar’s latest film will always be on my most anticipated list. With the only misstep in their history being Cars, I’ll always get pumped for their new offering. What makes this even more enticing is Pete Docter’s involvement. His previous writing credits include Wall-E, Toy Story and my personal favourite Pixar film, Monsters Inc. This is his first feature since Monsters Inc. and I’m sure it won’t disappoint. An original tale about 78 year old Carl Fredricksen and Junior Wilderness Explorer Russell, Up sees the unlikely pair travel across the world in a Carl’s flying house. Yes, that is correct, flying house.

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Observe and Report

Tell me you don’t think Seth Rogen is funny. Go ahead tell me. Watch the trailer and tell me you don’t laugh at his portrayal of Ronnie Barnhardt ruling over the local mall with an iron fist. Tell me his creepy-vomit kissing acceptance doesn’t make you smile. If you can do this, you have no sense of humour. I despise you. Rogen might have the best comedic timing of any actor working today. I’d also like to note the major difference between Paul Blart, the “other mall cop movie” from this year. The difference? This movie will be funny.

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Terminator Salvation

No Christian Bale jokes, please. That shit is already played out. The second some Internet asshole makes a remix of your rant, the joke is no longer funny. Except to most 15 year olds with brain dysfunctions, or people enjoyed the previously mentioned Paul Blart. I know McG is Gaelic for “The New Brett Ratner”, but I also know that the last trailer was Badass. Could it be McG is the new Michael Bay? Some might say bad reference, but I say, “Who else do you want blowing shit up in movies?” We’ll see if McG finally finds his niche this May. And hell, if he doesn’t, then we’re no worse off than we were after that third train-wreck of a film.

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500 Days of Summer

Yea, I’m throwing a cute little indie flick in here now. By now you know why I get pumped for films: actors, writers or directors. Well, this has the criminally underrated Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the adorable Zooey Deschanel, which sells me enough to get my ass in the theatre. Unfortunately, the director has done nothing of value, his highlights being a few music videos for shitty bands. Here’s hoping he was just making a name for himself and that his first feature will deliver. I don’t just put flicks up here because they’re established. I’m including 500 Days because I’m pumped to see if he’s got what it takes. Check out the trailer and let me know what you think!

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Bruno

I almost pissed my pants watching Borat the first time. Then I almost shot myself when everyone in the world decided “Very Nice. I like.” was the best catch phrase since “Hasta La Vista, Baby”. I won’t let those fuckers ruin this for me. I won’t let those bastards destroy Sacha Baron Cohen for me. How one of the most flamboyant and well-known comedians today can still go unnoticed in character is beyond me. However, I can’t wait to see what ridiculous stereotypes he blasts out of the water this time. If you’ve ever caught the Bruno skits on his television show then you know damn well why this is on the list.

Part two coming soon

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