What’s Wrong with the Watchmen?

Why are the numbers “so disappointing” and why has Warner Bros sworn off R-rated comic flicks entirely because of The Watchmen?

Anyone who says they loved Watchmen didn’t get it. You’re not supposed to like it. Watchmen (2009) is to ‘comic-book movie’ what Blue Velvet is to ‘drama’. You can respect it, admire it, and even be inspired by it, but it is not something to be ‘enjoyed’. This isn’t a feel-good movie where the good guy (you’ll know him by his white hat) ends up with the girl and the bad guy (black hat, of course) sneers from behind bars. There are no heroes or villains in Watchmen–only archetypes for the human condition.

Alan Moore is *that* kind of genius. Even he may not grasp the full meaning.

Moore is to comics what Kubrick or Lynch is to movies. Unfathomable brilliance. Each page has layers upon layers that result in accompanying annotations being ten times as long as the book itself. Moore work has so much depth that each of these movie adaptations find out that it’s next to impossible to get the ‘main theme’ right. To try and focus the movie on one character or a singular plot, as a proper movie should, is a daunting task for Moore work because you essentially have to strip away or at least downplay these layers.

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Best comic book adaptation is ironically one of the worst ‘comic book’ movies

Each panel in the comic represents a still image that defines the scene (eg. Rorschach pages are symmetrical). The panels of Nite Owl and Silk Spectre being plain and *boring* are not something that translates directly to film, though. The movie has to change and evolve just enough, while staying true to the scene depicted on the page. Snyder accounts for this by framing scenes, or dominating a certain colour or style. I didn’t even notice many of the differences between film and page while watching the movie… it was almost exactly how I remembered it. (For the sake of  reference, I just finished ‘prep’ reading the book a couple months before seeing the flick.) It was only late that night, after the road trip home from the theatre (yes, we travel to another frakkin city to see IMAX) that I settled down with my musings and cracked open the book again, and this point hit home. The differences, when directly examined and contrasted, are obvious. Snyder’s take actually makes it (albeit only by the merest margin) a different work altogether, as it should be. But arguably even more importantly, Watchmen still holds true to the important task of revering and honouring the original source. Snyder adapts almost perfectly by interpreting with subtle nuances but staying true to the central depressing themes that define the story.

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Adrian Veidt: I don’t mind being the smartest man in the world, I just wish it wasn’t this one.

There can be advantages to a proper adaptation. The movie really brings out the iconography of the book. Street signs, posters, etc are afforded more attention. The background characters (including the city itself) are also a different entity on the screen. While the newspaper vendor’s lines may be limited, it’s still amazing to see that world brought to life. To actually see and hear the crowds as they overthrow their ‘heroes’ is more moving than any Gibbons pencilling.

Edward Blake: Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

The whole movie is dark, bleak and ultimately as successful as the book in deconstructing and subsequently shitting on each of the classic hero archetypes that we adore and worship to a certain degree. We like our heroes shiny. That’s why they’re heroes. When we cast a harsh light on those we idolize and it turns out that they are deeply flawed, then what does that say about Us?

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It leads to one of those fundamental differences between movies and comics: that you can have multiple heroes (or even no protagonist in some cases, like Azzarello’s 100 Bullets) and still really make it work. Movies must have a protagonist, and in this case, Snyder decided to turn Rorschach into the most central character. Thanks to Haley’s performance, this works, but arguably too well. Our Hero is clearly fucking insane, dirty, and alone… and we aren’t supposed to like that.

Rorschach: This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll whisper “no.”

Perhaps the biggest (pun intended) difference between book and film is the removal of the giant squid in the final act. It clearly wouldn’t have worked and I for one am glad that it wasn’t in the final cut … if they even shot it. I can only assume there’ll be some sort of wireframe animatic with boring technical commentary on the extended cut.

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Ultimately, the movie makes the same point about the comic-book movie industry NOW that the book was saying about mainstream comics AT THE TIME. And isn’t that what’s most important about an adaptation?

A final thought on adaptations: If David Lynch and Alan Moore worked together to make a movie, I think it would kill you. They could do a remake of Wizard of Oz that’ll make your head explode Scanners style.


Reasons to see it at the IMAX before it’s gone forever

  • More kudos to Billy Crudup‘s performance (ie Veidt talking about minute facial twitches)
  • Background conversation (4-legged chicken)
  • Counting the freckles on Dr Manhattan
  • Even on the giant screen, the ‘giant blue penis’ wasn’t as shocking as it was made out to be

Rorschach:I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor… I am Pagliacci.” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

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