Two years ago, I decided to move back to California from Florida so that I could spend more time with my family, especially my parents. My folks are now in their early 70s and I am so thankful that I’ve been able to spend quality time with them. We’ve renewed our relationship on so many levels. Because we are next door neighbors, I get to see them every day and this is really a blessing.
On Father’s Day, I want to recognize my Dad. He’s always been “Mr. Fix It”, “Mr. Authority on Every Subject” and “Mr. I’d Do Anything for My Kids”. I wrote the little ditty below for him shortly after he retired. It should be sung to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”.

The Story of Al

Let me tell a story ‘bout a man named Al
He worked like a dog and lived in sunny Cal
The one day he was sittin’ on the can
And down from the boss came an early retirement plan
Money that is, big bucks, an annuity

So the next thing you know old Al’s a retiree
The kin folk said, “Al you’ve got the world to see”
He said “San Andreas is the place I ought to be”
So he loaded up his truck and moved to that County
Calaveras that is, cesspools, junker cars

He decided that he needed to search his family tree
He undertook researching some say religiously
Decided that he needed to drive from coast to coast
To show his kin his hard work and maybe kinda boast
Brag that is, impress ‘em with his work, show ‘em their roots

So now he spends his time partly on the road
His wife comes along and always brings a toad*
They’re known by name at every roadside inn
As that nice man Herb and his crazy wife Lynn.
Sara Lynn that is, Mrs. Good, the Queen

That’s all folks! You all wish Al a Happy Fathers Day now—you hear!?

*The toad is really a giant stuffed Frog named Filipe.

I crossed over from commercial pet food over 10 years ago and the good health of my 11 year old Black Lab littermates, Arnold and Rocko, is a testimonial to the benefits of this diet. They have thick shiny coats, beautiful teeth and no foul body or breath odor. Rocko was born with osteo problems, but Arnold, at 11 years old, is arthritis free; nearly unheard of in Labrador Retrievers. If you are interested in feeding a better diet to your dogs, I recommend you read the Animal Protection Institute’s article, What’s Really In Pet Food .

One challenge of eliminating processed foods from my dogs’ diet is finding treats that I can carry in my pocket to use as training rewards. There are a few commercial brands out there that meet my high standards for quality ingredients like Old Mother Hubbard and Charlee Bear. These are convenient and since they are not a large part of the diet, I feel comfortable using these treats. But for really great training treats that my dogs are CRAZY about, I whip up a batch of Liver Treats. They are simple to make, economical, and I know your dogs will love them too!

Liver Treats

• 1 Pound Chicken or Beef Liver, including liquid
• 2 Eggs
• 2 Cloves Garlic, minced
• 2 Tablespoons Oil
• 1/2 Cup Whole Wheat Flour
• 1 Cup Coarse Cornmeal

Process liver, eggs, garlic and oil in food processor until liquefied. Pour into a large bowl and add flour and cornmeal. Grease and/or line with parchment paper a 9 x 13 pan or a jelly roll pan (for thinner treats). Bake for 10 minutes (no longer) at 450 degrees F oven. Cut into small pieces while hot, then freeze when cool (store in a zip-lock bag). Remove from freezer as needed.

We will go through times of great joy and times of great sorrow. “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Eccl 3:4, NASU). God wants us to experience these seasons together in the community of Christ. “When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow” (Rom 12:15, NLT).

We know that God calls us to serve and comfort others; but God also wants us to allow others to serve and comfort us during our times of need. “For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; so that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty” (Job 6:14, NASU). If we do not humble ourselves by allowing others to come alongside us during troubling times, we are putting our very faith in God at risk. God uses others to nurture and encourage us in our faith, to lift us up and help us to keep our hearts focused on the love of our Creator.
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble” (1 Peter 3:8, NIV). God commands all of us to be sympathetic and compassionate, but some are especially gifted in this area. A Christian counselor, lay counselor or a Support Group can assist you in healing. “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Cor 1:4, NLT). Support groups like Divorce Recovery, Grief Support, or Addiction Recovery are facilitated by people who have walked through these circumstances, giving them a greater depth of understanding and compassion for those now suffering.
“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it” ( 1 Cor 12:26, NIV). When a body part is injured, the other parts will do the job of that part until it is healed. The job of the injured part becomes allowing itself to rest and heal until it is able to work in the body again. It may be necessary for you to step down from ministry for a period of time to allow for your healing. This is an act of service to the Lord and to the body of Christ.
Are you ignoring your own godly needs? Do you hesitate to serve God by humbly allowing others to serve you? Allowing ourselves to be healed through the loving service of others is an act of service to the Lord. He wants us to be healed because He loves us SO MUCH. He will use our healed and recreated self for the glory of His Kingdom, but first and foremost He heals and transforms us because we are uniquely loved and cherished by Him. Are you allowing God and His people to love you this way?
A personal note: I have experienced the kind of healing and support I am encouraging you to seek in your time of need. God has used a Pastor, a Counselor, Divorce Recovery and loving Christian friends to assist me in my own journey of healing from a heart-breaking divorce.
09/16/2003

But even more extreme than plastic surgery, hair transplants and cosmetic dentistry are the changes we undergo when we invite Jesus into our hearts. The coming of the new year always reminds me of the new creation I am in Christ.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (2 Cor 5:17 NKJV)
I am not just changed; I am a NEW creation. This metamorphosis takes place through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
But—“When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:4-5 NLT)
Colossians 3 contains my favorite passage on the new creation we are in Christ: Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Col 3:10, 12-15 NLT)
As I ponder my resolutions and goals for the New Year, I want to be mindful of the new creation I am in Christ and the fruit my new nature should bear. Being “renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him” means that my new nature is an ongoing process. This year, I pray “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” (Ps 51:10 KJV).

New to Twitter? Here are a few tips to give you a jumpstart:

• Have an avatar (picture) & a bio that either explains your interests or your reason for being on twitter or a little of both.
• Messages are called “tweets” by most Twitter users.
• Don’t follow ANYONE before getting a few tweets out. People will want to see what you are about before following you back.
• Follow some good folks who can model Twitter for you. People who are being followed by more than 1000 people are usually setting a good example.
• Engage with people you are following by replying to some of their tweets. These messages include an @username in the text.
• Forward (otherwise known as “Retweet”) tweets you find interesting. Give credit for the tweet by including “RT @username: ” before the tweet (some twitter clients have a retweet option).
• Register yourself on organic directories like Omnee and WeFollow. Look for people with similar interests on these directories and follow some of them.
• I don’t recommend following a bunch of people all at once. I’m personally “turned off” by people who have a much higher number of people they are following than are following them back. It sends a signal that you are not “worth following”.
• And don’t forget to follow me at http://twitter.com/goodlaura

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There is a lot of information available on these topics so I’m not going to focus on them in this article. Instead, I want to help you maximize your experience by using Facebook to find, organize and communicate with your friends.

Do’s

Do search for friends and family who are already on Facebook & invite them to be your Friend using easy Find Friends features.

1. Check your webmail contacts –Gmail, Yahoo Mail, AOL, Hotmail, etc.
2. Upload Outlook contacts
3. Use Find Classmates Feature
4. Check for those you instant message on AIM or Windows Live

Tip: Go through these steps periodically as new people are joining every day.

Do invite good friends and family members who are not already on Facebook to join (but don’t harass them!). I’ve invited over 200 people who ended up creating Facebook accounts, most of these from my High School class.

Do suggest friends for new Facebook User friends if they are acquainted. This will give them a jumpstart on enjoying the Facebook experience by connecting them quickly to people they already know.

Do organize your friends into Lists. Lists provide organized groupings of your friends. This is especially beneficial if you have a lot of Facebook Friends. Friends can belong to more than one list.

1. Enhances your ability to set privacy settings based on categories of friends
2. Makes it easier to send a message to a group of friends
3. Allows you to filter the activity on the Home page by individual lists

Tip: If you organize friends into lists of 20 or less, you can use the list more easily to send messages, suggest friends, etc. Facebook limits the number of people to whom you can address a message to 20.

Do tag the people in your photos and add captions. This makes it more fun for your friends to look at the pictures in your albums. I usually allow “friends of friends” to see my photo albums (see Privacy Settings).

Do comment on your friends’ status updates, photos, wall posts, notes, etc. This shows that you are engaged and interested in their content.

Do investigate Groups and Pages. Those your friends belong to are a great place to start. Sacramento & Company has a Page on Facebook. And you will also find a Group for the Social Media Club Sacramento.  Why not create a Group for your High School Reunion or your Book Club?

Don’ts

Don’t go overboard by inviting all of your friends to play every application you enjoy; just because you like receiving and sending hugs, drinks, and pokes doesn’t mean everyone else does too. Find out which of your friends enjoy this kind of activity and invite away. Leave the others alone.

Don’t be afraid to ignore requests from friends to play applications, take quizzes or join causes. In most cases, they won’t even know you ignored their request. You can use ”ignore all”, “block application”, or “block all requests from this friend” options to keep those annoying requests under control.

Don’t forget to add a personal message to a Friend Request; especially if it’s someone who may not recognize your current last name or who you have only just met or who you only know from another social media application, for example Twitter.

Don’t post compromising or unflattering photos of your friends in your photo albums or on their Wall! And don’t post them of yourself either! As one friend put it “Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want your boss or grandma to see!” If someone posts a photo of you that you don’t like, ask them to remove it. Good friends will honor your request. Bad friends can be “unfriended!”

Don’t post something on a friend’s wall (PUBLIC) that is better communicated through a message (PRIVATE). “Have you broken up with that no good boyfriend yet?”

Don’t forget to get a Facebook User name; a new feature that lets you create a personal Facebook URL. Mine is http://www.facebook.com/goodlaura

Just for Fun! Do you have good Facebook manners? Timmy and Alice don’t. Watch their bad behavior in this 50s instructional news reel to learn the do’s and don’ts of breaking up on Facebook, the “Electric Friendship Generator”.

Laura Good

Associate Promotions Director

Social Media Club Sacramento

Follow me on Twitter!

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If I can just get through today, maybe tomorrow it will all be over.  Maybe tomorrow will be different.  Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and it will all prove to be a bad dream.  Living one day at a time is what kept me living in the sickness of codependency.  Only letting myself think about today is what kept me from really facing the quality of life I had in my marriage.  It was this hopeless hope that got me through the day but kept me drowning in the sickness.  If I just keep quiet today maybe tomorrow I won’t need to say anything.  If I just wait one more day, maybe there will be proof that I am wrong or that things are going to get better without me having to stir anything up.  Without me exposing myself to hurt and harm and hate and ridicule.  Without me having to see the eyes that seem to despise me.  The face that says I am exaggerating, again.  The body language that accuses me of making something out of nothing.  Without me risking that the one I love will leave me.  Or stop loving me.  Or even hate me.

9 years ago, this is the life I was living.  I walked on eggshells nearly every waking moment, desperately trying not to rock the boat I called marriage.  I praise God for not allowing me to continue in that unhealthy lifestyle, even though He snatched me from it, in what seemed at the time, a very brutal fashion.

Thanks to God, my pastor, my counselors, loving friends and family, I am a stronger, healthier person now.  I no longer live life in denial one day at a time.

Dear friends and family,

The above is taken from my personal journal and updated.  Many of you have never had to live under the influence of alcoholism or an alcoholic.  It’s hard for you to understand how a person continues to live with an alcoholic–why they don’t put their foot down or walk out of the marriage.  For me, the excerpt above explains how I “survived” for 8 years.  I’m sharing it with you today because the time feels right.  Maybe it helps you to understand me or someone you know a little bit better.

Responses:

Thanks for sharing.  I’m glad you feel stronger and healthier now but I’m sad that you didn’t feel like you could reach out to me when you were in survival mode.  I hope you never experience pain like that again.  Please know that I love you and I’m here for you.  Love, Peggy

Thank you for sharing that.  I love you.  Dad

I am really sad that you had to live with TWO alcoholics!  Love, me (Mom)

Your post touched me way down deep.  I remember saying to myself, where there is life, there is hope.  But that was all there was, was hope.  Alcoholism is such a terrible disease.  It affects everyone around the person.  I played the co-dependent for a while but eventually realized this was killing me.   My children were also suffering and I told myself that I was staying so they would be able to go to college.  Oh my, what illusions we cultivate in our agony.

My Dear, I had no idea you were suffering this kind of life.  I am glad the time was right for you to share this.  I am also glad you have grown to the point that you wanted to share this.  None of us are islands.  Love and hugs,  Ann

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

Shakespeare

Dear Laura, I feel compelled to respond to you on this.  I had no idea.  There were some in the family that were surprised that I was an alcoholic.  But, that is part of the pain suffered by a couple affected by alcoholism, the isolation created by the shame.

My home group is one on a Friday night that has a sister program at the same time.  I picked that group because of the affiliation with the Alanon group, and my sponsor’s wife is in the Alanon group.  We have several couples that go to the meeting regularly, and the two groups do a lot of things together.  We are the only AA couple (both alcoholics) I know right now.  By being around the Alanons and hearing their stories I have gained a great deal of understanding about how much we can really hurt those around us.  My wife has a sister and a brother in recovery, and her dad now has 24 years.  Her sister said that living with their dad was like tip toeing around the house trying not to wake up the Bear sleeping on the couch.

I realized when I did my ninth step with my 3^rd wife that all I was really giving her was the acknowledgement that “her impressions of our relationship were real”.  That the spouse lives in a world of “doubt” and “apprehension” created by the alcoholics ever changing rules of engagement.  That they don’t want to believe what they are experiencing.  I realized that I was an expert at deflecting everything back on her.  That I lived in a world of projection and blame, and was good at it, and she was my target.  That living in a world with Dr Jekyll, and Mr. Hide, never knowing who was going to walk through the door, creates a “Mad” and “Crazy” world for a spouse to try to live in.  All I was really saying to her was, “No you were not crazy.”

I am very thankful that you were able to share this with us, that, in and of itself, shows a lot of recovery has gone on for you.  Any while you may never hear it from him, take it from someone what has sat in thousands of AA meetings and hundreds of Alanon speakers meetings, “No Laura, you were not crazy.”  Love you very much,   Lloyd (20 years sober)

Thanks for sharing Laura, it sounds like it was a difficult time for you.  I can so relate, I had a similar relationship with Dillon’s dad.  Thank god we are strong enough women to say, Enough!  My timing could have been better or quicker, but at least I stopped the insanity and did’nt allow my son to learn the same behavior.  There are so many people that continue to live their lives day in and day out with that type of behavior.  Thank goodness, we stopped it.

Laurie

Thank you,  After a few tears of feeling your pain, I think how some wise person (my dad) told me that some marriages are a selection that lands in bad luck of how your mate turns out to be.  His support I value.  Bill

This is very powerful. Thank you for sharing it! I’m just so sorry that you endured so much pain and grief for so long. And if you are willing to say, I’m wondering about how God snatched you from your marriage brutally. I feel so terrible for you and I’m so glad that you have your friends, counselors, pastor and God to rely on. I’m glad you are no longer “living one day at a time” in an unhealthy way.  Love, Theresa

My response:  Some may not consider my situation brutal.  But it felt that way to me at the time.  I came home to a note one day from my ex-husband telling me he didn’t think he wanted to be married anymore.  He’d packed a bag and left and I didn’t know where he was.  About a week later, we met briefly and all he had to say was that he wanted a divorce.  He gave no reasons, no opportunity to try to work things out, etc.  I was devastated.  I couldn’t believe this was happening to me.  For over a year, I believed that a reconciliation was possible, even though I had almost no contact with him (his choice).  About nine months after he left, I put together some pieces and found out that he had left me for another woman but didn’t have the guts to tell me that.  I never imagined that he would have an affair.  It blew my world to pieces.  I was an emotional wreck for well over a year.  The only thing I really did ok at was my job–that was my refuge.

Theresa’s reply:  I would consider that situation brutal. That’s like something you see in the movies, but don’t think really happens. I’m so sorry for you. But on the other hand, I agree it was a blessing in disguise. You do sound so much more healthy and happy now!

And I’m not sure if I knew your mom was an alcoholic. It seems like something I may have heard, but didn’t really think about, because I like to see the best in people and I always liked your mom. However, now that I’m an adult, I can imagine how hard that must have been on you (and the rest of your family). If you want to send me more emails about that, I’d be really interested, but of course I don’t want to pry and I realize it’s intensely personal.  Love, Theresa

WOW, Laura!  It’s times like these that I praise God for His abundant and sufficient healing!  I believe I first met you in early 2002 and came to know about your circumstances.  What a leap you have made from then to now.  And the good news is that, once we realize our past dysfunction, learn from it, change through it & grow in it, we can continue to move forward in a more enlightened and knowledgeable fashion.  God is so good, and YOU ARE PROOF OF THAT! YOU ROCK, GIRLFRIEND! Your faithful servant in Christ, Nina

Thank you for sharing such a personal excerpt from your journal.  I did not know what you were going through. I am glad that God has delivered you from that situation. I will be praying that this excerpt touches others who may be experiencing the same situation.  May God Bless You and pour His love out to you. Love ya, Marie

I love you Laura. Thank you for sharing this. You are an awesome Woman!! Love Debbie

Thanks for sharing that with me, Laura.  You have certainly come a long way in seven years! Love, Don

Laura – thank you for sharing this with me.  It does help me to understand a little better.  Love you, Arleen

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