I’m going to cut to the chase with this one. Usually, I like to give some sort of clever introduction about how I ended up going to see a movie, or how excited I was, or some sort of salutary nonsense like that. Not this time. I want to write everything while it’s still fresh in my mind.
I wasn’t expecting very much from “Zombieland.” The trailers and commercials that I had seen didn’t really do much for me, but I figured, ‘What the hell? It’s got zombies in it. That should be fun.’ I was right on one count: I definitely did not get very much from it at all.
Is it even worth a plot synopsis? One sentence. Here we go. The “Zombie Apocalypse,” has occurred and a meek nerdy kid (not Michael Cera) is trying to get to his parents in Ohio, but gets picked up by a rugged redneck (Woody Harrelson), and they meet two sisters (Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin) trying to get to an amusement park in California because they heard there weren’t zombies there. Seems simple enough. Actually, it’s far more simple than it needs to be. Back story’s for suckers in this one. Why are there zombies? I think they mentioned a disease at some point. What happened to the families of the survivors? They’re dead, I guess. Whatev’s. This movie’s about as shallow as an Old Navy commercial.
That’s not to say it is without its merits. There’s some pretty good gore effects in here. The soundtrack wasn’t half-bad either. Woody Harrelson was actually pretty funny in this, and he does well in some of the action sequences. Emma Stone is somewhat delightful as the sassy older sister. The movie is almost saved by a cameo from Bill Murray in the middle. I’m sorry if I’ve ruined the surprise for you, but if anything, I’ve given you a reason to not walk out of the theatre. Abigail Breslin, well, really, it could have been any girl under the age of thirteen and it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Then there’s Jesse Eisenberg as the nerdy kid. Sigh. Sorry dude. I’ve seen you in a couple of other movies and you were good, but apparently you are now Michael Cera’s stand-in. It’s unfortunate, but that is EXACTLY what you are in “Zombieland.” The timing, the jokes, even the way you carry yourself in this movie…it’s just a little frustrating.
I don’t blame the actors though. They were given an incredibly weak script. This movie could have been very clever. It was not. It was obvious jokes, and to be honest most of the “jokes” weren’t even that, as most of the incidents that got laughs from the audience were somewhat gruesome zombie-deaths. The zombies are almost entirely used as comedic props, and not really as anything else. It was like watching an episode of “Three’s Company,” that was directed by George A. Romero. Actually, to be more accurate, it was more like what would happen if Judd Apatow made “28 Days Later,” but let a C-average high school student write the dialogue.
All in all, “Zombieland,” comes off as vastly disappointing. It felt very forced, while still being almost entirely boring.
It just felt very much like someone was just trying to cash in on the flavour of the week (probably due to how crappy the summer movie crop was), in this case, zombies. Granted, it didn’t make me angry, but it just came across as a zombie movie for people who have never seen a zombie movie, which is pretty annoying to those of us who have.
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